Down but not Out...

Sick again... This time I a m down with fever, cough, stomach ache, vomiting and god knows other bodily aches. I don't know what happened. Don't know what I ate and to make matters worse, my monthly allowance is not in yet so believe it or not, I cannot afford to go to the doctor. I might have to ask my mom for cash but kind of don't want to pester her... So I'm just going to suck it in, drink lots of water since I have to go to the toilet so often now... I think my OTC cough medicine is messing with my pain killer for my knee. It's almost 4 a.m. and I am wide awake... I fell asleep earlier thought but woke up to go vomit and of course the diarrhea. So I do what every sick person on earth would do... Watch movies...

So first I watched Jumanji since I have not seen in since forever lol... Then I googled romantic comedies and found the Taming of the Shrew. So I searched it on YouTube and found the movie! OMG! What wonderful acting by Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. It's witty and romantic and all the things in one. Makes me think of the man who could tame me lol since I am myself somewhat headstrong and stubborn.

I may not be destined for marriage. I don't know... I am 25 and I was in a relationship that killed my trust in love. The pain was so unbearable I decided that it was best to not marry at all. But hey... I'm young and I guess in a way, I am like Katerina... I might say or act in a certain way but in truth I am scared of living my life alone...

I must be over thinking this... I do that when I'm sick...

What is L.O.V.E?

Love... What the heck is it? It seems like the age old question with a lot of people if not all wondering what the answer might be... If you do get the answer then comes a never ending parade of other questions pertaining to the matter like does true love really exists? or is there love at first sight? or can love last forever? and can I love the same person for the rest of my life?

Love is ever complicated. You fall in love and you fall out of love... Either way you're screwed because in or out, you are falling and it will hurt. I know... I have been there...

I used to love being in love. Then I met him and I never knew love could hurt so bad. It makes me regret being in love and I for one don't really regret things. Five years... I endured it... I was the dumb one here... He moved on and I was too dumb to see... I found out about the ultimatum the hard way through FB and through text. I was emotionally scared. I hated everything about love from that day onwards... I was self destructive and hater of all things nice and dandy for two solid years. My real player playlist sounds like songs people would play at a funeral. It was that bad...

My effed up love life also messed up my health and it has never been right after that. I hated love... every bit of it... I hated all the love songs, all the romantic movies and I even hated the guys who tried to flirt with me. I know...messed up right? I was so angry all the time... I would cry most of the time... I was like that for two years... and then one day... I was no longer like that...

You see, I think love is unexplainable... Why? Well two years ago I hated love but now... It seems I am warming up to it again... Is it a guy? Maybe... But I was better even before I met him... I began to love life again... I loved all the love songs again. I go to the movies just to watch romantic movies and I even began to feel prettier because of what I am feeling inside... What was it? The anticipation of love...

Earlier today I saw a movie called Under the Tuscan Sun with Diane Lane. There was a lovely quote in there that sounded something like this, "Signora, between Austria and Italy, there is a section of the Alps called the Semmering. It is impossibly steep, very high part of the mountains. They built a train track over these Alps to connect Vienna and Venice. They built these tracks even before there was a train in existence that could make the trip. They built it because they knew some day, the train would come..."

Confused?

Well I think it means to always be ready for love... Make some room in your heart for this unexpected visitor. Who knows, if you are lucky, that visitor might stay...

Back to my question earlier... what is love?

I say don't give a damn and just go with it...

Raya Blues

Hey all... It has been a few weeks since my last post. Been busy with classes and life lol. The festive season is still going on but the peak has slightly died down. It has been a whirlwind month... Filled with ups and downs... But all in all my Aidilfitri was a fun event. My whole family was home and we all had loads of fun.

A few days before Aidilfitri, we started baking cookies and cooked an array of delicacies famous in Malaysia. On the day, we had ketupat palas, which is a form of sticky rice in a special palm leaf called palas and we eat it with beef rendang which is a type of thick curry like gravy like so :

(below is the ketupat palas and rendang and above is one of the cookies we made)

On the day of Aidilfitri before we start our day, we had our Aidilfitri prayers. After asking forgiveness from Allah and from our elders we proceeded to attack our wholesome food!! We had tomato rice, chicken curry tomato, pounded spicy beef with onions, vegetable curry and a whole lot of other sweet stuff! Then after the ritual duit raya or angpow we took the annual Aidilfitri pictures.

(My family whom i love very much)

It has been a great Aidilfitri so far... but I've had a few bumps these few days. Was kinda sad last night but I am A-OK now... I am very happy so far. I am kinda healthy, I am satisfied and I am in love... very much... It is the kind of romance that took me by surprise but I am happy with things are right now. To that person, you know who you are... I love you...

I will be going back to campus tomorrow. Supposed to be going back today but I need to renew my driver's license before I go back. Then off to my serious studious life and then not much of anything else... Gotta watch what I eat again lol.. the festive season has not been kind... Despite of me watching what I stuff in my mouth, the amount of food I had to eat at friends' and families' place has gone straight to my tummy and thighs lol... Strict diet!! Come December I have to be a size 10 hopefully... I after all have a wedding to attend. Not mine though lol...

Well will update more if I suddenly found some profound thought that I need to send into the void... Toodles!!